Martin Meadows is a Wall Street Journal bestselling personal development author, writing about self-discipline and its transformative power to help you become successful and live a more fulfilling life. With a straight-to-the point approach, he's passionate about sharing tips, habits and resources for self-improvement through a combination of science-backed research and personal experience.
Embracing self-control helped Martin overcome extreme shyness, build successful businesses, learn multiple languages, become a bestselling author, and more. As a lifelong learner, he enjoys exploring the limits of his comfort zone through often extreme experiments and adventures involving various sports and wild or exotic places.
Martin uses a pen name. It helps him focus on serving the readers through writing, without the distractions of seeking recognition. He doesn’t believe in branding himself as an infallible expert (which he is not), opting instead to offer suggestions and solutions as a fellow personal growth experimenter, with all of the associated failures and successes.

Prologue

Nobody doubts that setting goals is one of the most important keys to making life changes, regardless of whether they're big, audacious goals, or just small adjustments.

Yet, while most of us have no problems identifying goals we want to accomplish, putting these plans into action is frequently much more difficult than we think.

A lack of self-discipline and motivation contribute to this behavior. However, there's another lesser-known reason why some people struggle to make changes in their lives.

It's their low self-efficacy.

Individuals who don't possess much self-efficacy have a hard time putting their plans into action and following through because deep down they don't believe they can achieve them.

You don't even have to be aware you exhibit behavior common among people with low self-efficacy, yet it can dramatically affect your life.

What are the main four factors that affect your self-efficacy? How can you develop more confidence in your abilities? What are the most important things you need to know about the influence of your mind on your achievements?

These are some of the questions I'll answer in this short book. The advice you're about to read is based both on scientific research and my personal experience.

Instead of delving deep into the details, I will share fundamental knowledge that will make the most difference in your life.

My goal is to help you understand how to develop more confidence in your abilities and avoid the most common dangers associated with low self- efficacy.

Let's start with explaining in more detail what self-efficacy is.

Chapter 1 : What Is Self-Efficacy?

Self-efficacy is the strength of your beliefs in your ability to complete tasks successfully. It determines things such as:

- whether you will persist or give up while working on a specific task, - how long you will stick to uncomfortable changes designed to bring long-term results (diet, workout regimen),

- what goals you'll set for yourself and where "extremely difficult" ends and "impossible" starts.

The beliefs you have about your abilities shape your entire life. They affect how you think, feel, and behave. If you have little self-efficacy, you'll have a tendency to write off things you consider impossible. As a result, for the sole reason you don't believe you're able to achieve your dreams you'll live a mediocre life instead of realizing your full potential.

It's important to note that self-efficacy is task-related. You can have high self-efficacy when driving a car and low self-efficacy when working on your business.

However, high self-efficacy in specific tasks indirectly translates to higher self-efficacy in other areas (for the reason we'll discuss in the second chapter). In other words, high self-efficacy in one area will help you start with the right mindset in another area of your life.

You Can Improve Your Self-Efficacy Even as an Adult

General self-efficacy develops during childhood. The right teacher can help her students develop a powerful belief in their abilities that will empower them in their adult life.

However, nothing is lost for the rest of the people who haven't developed a strong sense of self-efficacy when they were young.

There are ways to develop self-efficacy as an adult, and that's what we're going to focus on in this book. Put away the past and let's focus on what we can do about it now.

People with a Strong Sense of Self-Efficacy vs. People with a Weak Sense of Self-Efficacy

Here are five common characteristics of people with a strong sense of self-efficacy:

1. They consider challenges as something they can overcome and master.

2. They persevere in the face of difficulties. Obstacles don't make them lose confidence in their abilities.

3. They take responsibility for their failures and believe they control the outcome (i.e., they don't believe in getting lucky).

4. They put more effort into completing a task, which in turn makes them more likely to achieve it.

5. They commit to their goals and develop a deeper understanding of how to achieve them.

And here are five common characteristics of people with a weak sense of self-efficacy:

1. They avoid challenges. Consequently, they rarely (if ever) grow.

2. They believe that difficult goals are beyond their capabilities, and thus they don't set them, and don't achieve big wins.

3. They quickly lose confidence in their abilities and give up on their goals.

4. They tend to take a narrow view of the task and focus on the surface instead of the underlying principles.

5. They don't believe that their actions and decisions make a difference in their life (instead, they believe in external factors like luck).

When I was a shy person with low self-efficacy, I avoided every situation that might have been uncomfortable. My self-confidence soared only when I decided to challenge myself.

These small challenges added up to small wins, which led to big wins. By breaking one behavior that prevented me from developing confidence in my abilities, I've changed my life.

How Self-Efficacy Affects Your Life

The Galatea effect is a type of a self-fulfilling prophecy that makes our self-expectations largely determine our performance. As a result, low self-efficacy can dramatically lower your chances of achieving personal success.

If you don't believe in your abilities, you aren't likely to set big goals that have the highest chance of making a dramatic improvement in your life. Since you also doubt in your ability to achieve success, you won't do your best (why invest effort in something that's not going to work out, anyway?). On the other hand, if you possess a strong sense of self-efficacy, you constantly set the bar higher and higher and improve yourself on a daily basis.

One area where it's easy to notice this phenomenon is in your career. People who don't believe in their abilities (even if they possess unique and valuable skills) are less likely to apply for better-paid jobs and develop their career.

A small business owner who believes her bakery is the pinnacle of her career won't develop a chain of bakeries, even if she's given an opportunity to do so. Her beliefs will either prevent her from taking action at all, or they will sabotage her later on.

Aside from achievement, the influence of self-efficacy is most visible when you're making health-related decisions.

Your self-efficacy can affect if you're going to keep smoking or quit, start exercising three times per week or live a sedentary lifestyle, or eat healthy or wolf down junk food. In fact, increasing your self-efficacy is one of the best ways to help you stick to your workout regimen.

Since people with low self-efficacy think that many goals are outside their reach, they may never come around to stop smoking. And if they decide to make a change, a low level of self-efficacy will result in expending little effort and little to no perseverance when faced with obstacles.

A person with high self-efficacy will set a goal to stop smoking altogether (and stick to it in the face of difficulties), while a person with low self-efficacy will set a goal to reduce her smoking (and give up when faced with the temptation to smoke more).

The reason why many people struggle to lose weight might be related to their weak sense of self-efficacy, and not just their self-discipline.

Since each failure further decreases your level of self-efficacy (the belief that you can lose weight), you enter a vicious cycle that leads you to even more failure. Soon, you give up your goal to lose weight altogether (because your mind is fixed that you can't achieve it).

Yet, it's still as achievable as it was before, but you perceive it from a self-limiting point of view that puts it in the category of the things impossible to achieve.

Self-Efficacy Is Not Self-Esteem

The chief difference between self-efficacy and self-esteem is that self- efficacy is the belief in your abilities, while self-esteem is the belief in your own worth.

When you have strong self-efficacy, you believe you can achieve certain goals. When you have high self-esteem, you consider yourself a valuable human being – but it doesn't have to affect your self-efficacy, as you can still doubt your abilities.

For instance, a person who's a poor driver would probably have a poor self-efficacy with regard to driving. However, if she doesn't rely on her driving skills as a source of her self-worth, it won't affect her self-esteem.

On the other hand, a person with low self-esteem is more likely to have low self-efficacy because issues with self-esteem usually come with a lack of confidence in general.

If you lack self-confidence, learning new skills is difficult. Moreover, even if you're good at something, your lack of self-worth might make you think you're still inferior to others.

High Self-Efficacy Isn't About Cockiness

Self-efficacy is a good thing as long as you don't mistake it with cockiness. People with a strong sense of self-efficacy are able to meet challenges head on, but it doesn't mean they take on challenges way outside their abilities and expect to achieve success.

Shoshin is a concept of Zen Buddhists meaning "beginner's mind," used mostly when studying Japanese martial arts and Zen Buddhism. It refers to approaching a subject you're studying as a beginner - even when you're already an expert. It's about an open mind, eagerness and a lack of assumptions.

This approach will help you stay humble and, at the same time, keep your mind open to the new opportunities to grow. As Shunryū Suzuki, a Zen Buddhist renowned for founding the first Buddhist monastery outside Asia, said, "In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few.""

Don't limit yourself by assuming you know everything.

Four Factors Affecting Self-Efficacy

Psychologist Albert Bandura has identified four factors affecting self- efficacy (listed in the order of importance):

1. Mastery experiences. Success increases self-efficacy, while failure lowers it.

2. Social modeling. When you see someone succeeding, your self- efficacy increases. When you see someone fail, your self-efficacy decreases.

3. Social persuasion. Encouragement increases your self-efficacy, while discouragement lowers it.

4. Psychological responses. Experiencing stress can decrease your self- efficacy if you consider it a sign of your inability.

In the next chapters, we'll discuss in more detail each of these factors. I'll also share with you advice on how to handle these sources to develop more self-efficacy.

WHAT IS SELF EFFICACY? QUICK RECAP

1. Self-efficacy determines how strongly you believe in your abilities. It's task-related, which means you can have high self-efficacy in one area and low self-efficacy in another. However, the general sense of self-efficacy affects all aspects of your life, as previous success builds more confidence in your abilities.

2. People with a strong sense of self-efficacy approach challenging tasks as things they can master. They understand that setbacks don't have to lead them to failure, and they put more effort and dedication to achieve their goals.

3. People with a weak sense of self-efficacy avoid challenges and rarely commit to their goals. Consequently, they have a much harder time making changes in their lives.

4. Self-efficacy is not self-esteem. People with a high sense of self- esteem can still suffer from low self-efficacy. However, people with low self-esteem are more likely to have low self-efficacy due to their general lack of confidence.

5. Self-efficacy isn't about cockiness. Stay humble even when you're good at something. Adapt the approach of a beginner who's open and eager to learn new things without having any preconceptions about the subject she's studying.

6. There are four factors that influence your self-efficacy (listed in the order of importance): mastery experiences, social modeling, social persuasion and psychological responses.

Chapter 2 : The Experience of Mastery

The most important factor that influences your self-efficacy is the experience of mastery. When you complete a task successfully, your self- efficacy increases. On the other hand, failure to achieve a goal (or performing inadequately) can undermine and weaken your self-efficacy - especially if you don't believe in your abilities.

As the proverb says, nothing succeeds like success.

If you have ever wondered why successful people are more likely to achieve big goals, here's your answer: success by success, they have built powerful self-efficacy that allows them to believe they can achieve even bigger things.

Although your past performance is the most important factor that influences your self-efficacy, it doesn't mean that if you've experienced a string of failures in the past, you're bound to repeat them. The key to leveraging this source of self-efficacy is to ensure small wins.

Small Wins Lead to Universities in Space

Entrepreneur Peter Diamandis, author of Bold: How to Go Big, Create Wealth and Impact the World emphasizes in his book the power of establishing a track record to achieve big goals.

In 1982, Diamandis came up with an idea to establish an International Space University (yes, a university in space talk about bold goals). Obviously, the first thing he did wasn't building the university and sending it into space. He broke down his goal into five phases:

1. Organizing a conference about the idea of the International Space University (ISU).

2. Holding a nine-week summer session of the ISU.

3. Repeating the same summer program in countries all over the world to prove the concept works.

4. Establishing a permanent campus on Earth.

5. Establishing a university on the International Space Station.

In 1994, twelve years after setting this big goal, the International Space University established its campus in Strasbourg, France. Diamandis' goal to establish the space university no longer sounds improbable.

His approach is exactly what you need to increase your self-efficacy. While your end goal doesn't have to be as big as his (But why not? We could use more visionaries), the process is exactly the same.

Here's how you can build your self-efficacy to ensure success in building your business:

1. Find your first client in your circle of friends and family. Even if it's your mom, it's still your first client and a necessary step toward gaining self-efficacy to grow a full-blown business.

2. Sell your product to the first stranger. This will give you a powerful boost of motivation that somebody else besides your family and friends is interested in your product.

3. Sell your product to ten strangers. If ten people bought your product, there have to be many more prospects. You're solidifying the belief in your ability to sell.

4. Establish a company and set small sales targets.

5. Hire your first employee.

* * *

10. Sell on Mars. Or stay on Earth and retire after selling your business for millions of dollars.

And here's how you can build your self-efficacy if all your previous efforts to lose weight failed:

1. Start tracking your calories. It's a simple keystone habit that will increase your awareness and generate results with little to no resistance.

2. Make a small change to your diet. Eliminate just one high-calorie food that contributes to your unhealthy diet the most. If you successfully resist the temptation to eat it, you'll start believing more in your self-control abilities.

3. Eliminate another food or an entire group (for instance, all kinds of chocolate).

4. Introduce more vegetables in your diet. To make this change smaller, add just one piece of a vegetable per day.

5. Add some exercise in your routine. Even if it's just 30 minutes per week, it will suffice for now while you're building your self-efficacy.

* * *

10. Enjoy your new body.

By breaking your big goals into smaller, much more achievable steps, you'll ensure small wins that will help you develop more confidence in your abilities and make it easier to face bigger challenges.

Easy Success Isn't as Powerful as Blood, Sweat, and Tears Success

Your self-efficacy increases when you achieve successes, but it becomes much more firmly established when it's built on successes that required you to overcome obstacles through persistence.

If you only experience easy successes, you'll come to expect quick results with little to no effort. Consequently, you'll get easily discouraged when you face setbacks.

On the other hand, when you've already experienced successes after pushing through numerous obstacles, you'll be more resilient and capable of dealing with challenges".

Arnold Schwarzenegger once said, "Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength."

Mahatma Gandhi said something similar: "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

Isn't it interesting how closely their words resemble the conclusions of scientific studies?

When you're struggling, remind yourself that it's your struggles which will make you a stronger, more resilient, and more successful person.

Failure, and When It Harms You the Most

Albert Bandura discovered that failure decreases self-efficacy. However, as I mentioned in the first chapter, people with a strong sense of self-efficacy don't approach failures in the same way as people with little belief in their abilities.

As failures are essential to achieve anything worthwhile in life, it's not a healthy approach to do everything in your power to avoid them. However, while you're working on developing your self-efficacy, it might be a good idea to minimize the risk of failures and focus on achieving small, safe goals.

When you experience a streak of successes, you'll become much more resilient and capable of dealing with failures in a positive, constructive way. Then, taking bigger risks won't be associated with a high risk of destroying your self-efficacy and sending you back to square one.

Failure Is Good

Even though acceptance of failure in society is steadily rising, many people still avoid setting big goals, as they associate the act of failing with a personal failure (I failed, therefore I'm a failure).

I've noticed this belief is not nearly as widespread in the entrepreneurial circles where failure is often celebrated. What's the difference between the general population and entrepreneurs?

Entrepreneurs consider failure a part of every achievement. As Richard Branson said, "Failure and rejection are an inevitable part of business, and how you deal with them will ultimately affect your success. The ability to cope with and learn from failure and rejection can be practiced and honed along the way. Some people are better at it than others.

"We have had many great successes at Virgin, but we've also experienced a number of failures. Every time something hasn't worked out as we hoped it would, we have picked ourselves up, looked at what went wrong, and learned from our mistakes."

Therein lies the key to changing your beliefs about failure - it's just an opportunity to learn what doesn't work and do better next time.

Remind yourself of this concept each time you're afraid to fail. Surrounding yourself with people who approach failure in this way will also help you alter your beliefs.

If You Feel Extremely Uncomfortable with Failure, Try Rejection Therapy

Rejection therapy is a social game developed by Jason Comely, who for a year strived to become rejected every single day. The rules of his game are simple":

1. You must be rejected by another person at least once, every single day

2. Expecting more rules? Sorry to disappoint you. There's only one rule.

The only objective of the game is to get rejected. If your request is granted, you must ask for more - until you achieve the successful outcome, which is rejection.

Rejection therapy is not just a weird game created by a random person. It's an example of a psychotherapeutic technique called flooding, which was developed in 1967".

It's still used by therapists to help patients overcome phobias. A patient is put into a situation where she faces her phobia at its worst. By facing the worst fear head on, the patient's fear gradually minimizes as she realizes it's not something to be afraid of.

Although flooding is not for everyone, as it's more traumatic than systematic desensitization (overcoming fear step by step), it can work pretty well to overcome your fear of failure. By facing rejection right away, you'll quickly notice the first results (weakened fear of rejection), which will help you become more at peace with failure.

Note I'm not a doctor, and you should never listen to self-help authors when your mental health is at stake. If you suffer from any mental health issues, speak with your doctor and consult a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

Copyright: Meadows Publishing